Dealing with a Troublesome Husband

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There is no doubt that it is obligatory for the husband and wife to live together in a kind and sociable manner. There should be good manners and treatment between them, along with affection and pleasant behaviour – as Allah the Mighty and Majestic – says,

“And live with them in honour and in kindness.”(Qur’an 4:19)

“And the wives have rights over the husbands – similar to those of the husbands over them – in that which is reasonable. But men have a degree over them.” (Qur’an 2:228)

The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Righteousness is good character.” Muslim 4/1980. And he (‘alayhis-salaatu was-salaam) then said, “Do not consider any good action as insignificant- even if it is meeting your brother with a cheerful face.” Narrated by Ahmad 5/63 and it was authenticated by al-Albaani in Assaheehah #1352. And he (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) also said, “The most perfect of Believers in Iman (faith) is the one with the best character. And the best of you are those that are best to their women-folk, and I am the best amongst you to my family.” Tirmidhi 1/217-218. There are besides these many other Hadiths that are a general proof for the encouragement of good character, cheerful meeting and good companionship between Muslims. If this is the general case between Muslims, then good treatment between husband and wife and relatives is even more important. Allah rewards for being patirnt; a woman does well in patiently persevering and bearing the ill treatment and bad character from her husband. However, she has even greater patience and not to leave the house, and if Allah – the Most High – wills, there will be a great deal of good in this and a praiseworthy end for her. Allah – the Most Perfect – said,

“Patiently persevere! Indeed Allah is with those who patiently persevere.” (Qur’an 6:46)

“Indeed whosoever fears Allaah, obeys Him, turns away from disobedience and patiently perseveres, then Allaah does not cause the rewards of the doers of good to be lost.” (Qur’an 12:90)

“Only those who patiently persevere shall receive their reward in full without reckoning.” (Qur’an 39:10)

“So patiently persevere! Indeed, the end will be good for those who are pious.” (Qur’an 11:49)

However, this does not prevent her from speaking to the husband with good words, and behaving with him in good manner, that will soften his heart- and lead him to being pleased with her and fulfilling her rights of companionship. And as long as he is fulfilling the main and important obligations towards her, then has to try not to ask him for any worldly needs, until his heart is opened and his chest is expanded in accepting her requests and fulfilling her needs; in this way – if Allah wills her ending will be a praiseworthy one.

May Allah grant all Muslimahs increase in all that is good, and that the conditions of those husband who are difficult improve, and be guided to good character, kindness in companionship and to fulfilling the rights that are due upon him. Indeed Allah is the best of those who are asked, and only He guides to the path that is straight.

al-Fataawaa Vol.1 pge 193-194