Jesus Action Figure’s Poor Sales Allegedly Forces Vatican Church to Hire Rowlings to Rewrite the Bible

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    Holy Bible: Is it really a word of God?

    Holy Bible: Is it really a word of God?

    According to the reports, which Malawi Muslims Official Website didn’t independently verify, a rumor-based website, WWN claims a Vatican Church has hired a widely-known author by the name of J.K. Rowling, who is the author of the famous Harry Potter series to rewrite the Christians’ Holy Bible.

    WWN reported that a Vatican insider, told them that the Jesus action figure’s sales have dropped with 200% in the last decade.

    Therefore, according to the website, the Vatican is in need of something Hollywood-ish and “cool”, which will bring the masses back to Jesus Christ.

    “The sales of the Jesus Christ action figure have dropped by over 200% in the last 10 years, we are in need of new, compelling and toy-friendly characters…like the dinosaur in Toy Story,” a source close to the Pope told WWN.

    “Our revenue streams are shrinking so the more Hollywood-esque the better,” the source concluded.

    WWN further reports that apparently they’ve asked Rowling to rewrite the Bible since she’s capable of writing best-selling books. Of course, Bible creatures such as the leviathan and the unicorns will be replaced with creatures like Dementors and Hippogriffs. Furthermore, Jesus will probably wear an eye patch and a leather jacket.

    “We are very happy Miss Rowling has agreed to the rewrite, we keenly await the first draft,” a Vatican insider was quoted by WWN, according to http://www.waterfordwhispersnews.com/.

    The so called undisclosed insider told WWN the Vatican is looking forward to Rowling’s first draft. The website also claims that Rowling’s publisher is going to make 9 or 10 books out of the Bible’s new edition!

    In the last century many Christian leaders have offered revisions on the interpretations of many of the Bible’s passages but Rowling is expected to take a more drastic approach.

    “Judas is probably going to wear a leather jacket and JK is toying with the idea of a nervous twitch or even an eye-patch. Also why have one book when can have more? She is thinking of splitting it up into 9, maybe 10 books” the author’s publicist shared with WWN.

    However, this raises a lot of questions as whether the Bible is really compilation of words of God or not as words of God cannot be rewritten.