New York โ In a move that was expected by many people, Muslims around the world have canceled their religious celebration known as Idd ul-Fitr to accommodate American sensitivities. โIt was a natural thing to do,โ said Imam Tariq Shakir, the lesser-known back-up Imam of Ground Zero Mosque, โCan you imagine what would happen if a bunch of Muslims were hooting and laughing on September 11th?โ
Idd-ul-Fitr is a day that marks the end of Ramadan and it has been celebrated worldwide by Muslims for over 1400 years. Except this year. With the Islamic lunar calendar being 10 or 11 days shorter than the Gregorian calendar, Idd could potentially fall on September 11th this year, depending on the moon sighting. โI have American friends who are very sensitive about September 11thโ said Imam Tariq, โMy neighbour always cries when he looks at his watch and it says 9:11 so I donโt want to offend him.โ
To make a couple of Americans even happier, the Muslim community in New York has agreed to shut down the Ground Zero Masjid. โI applaud the Muslim community for keeping Ground Zero a sacred place,โ said Ground Zero Masjid opponent Newt Gingrich. โNow we have a perfect spot to build a new McDonalds. Ba-ba-ba-ba-bah Iโm loving it.โ
Inspired by the Muslim communityโs interest in not offending a single soul, the Christian community decided to close down churches in all areas with a high density of African-Americans. โThe Ku Klux Klan did some not-so-nice things to black people a couple of decades ago,โ explained priest Bob Parker, โThe Klan doesnโt represent Christianity but they claim they do. That makes all Christians collectively guilty for the KKKโs behaviour for some reason. Thank you Muslims for inspiring us.โ
Other Muslims are enjoying the new sense of belonging in America. โWho knew integrating with our fellow Americans would be so easy?โ said Khalid Usman, โall I had to do was start shaving my beard and stop taking the airplane everywhere. It takes me a few months to get to South Asia by boat but at least Americans arenโt scared of me anymore.โ
Local Niqabi Sajida Syed has also stopped doing suspicious Muslim things like giving to the poor and dropped the niqab getup in favour of a ninja outfit. โNinjas are much more accepted in society and people are high-fiving me wherever I go now.โ
Imam Tariq is optimistic about the future. โ9/11 was hard for all Americans, both Muslims and non-Muslims.ย Once all Americans agree to stop watching Fox News and getting scared out of their wits then weโll all start living in greater harmony. Or until homeland security kicks out all the Muslims. Whatever comes first.โ
Source: Maniac Muslim
