Hina Aman
Career Counselor
Gulf Medical University, Ajman, UAE
Listening is essential part of any communication and is different from just hearing. Listening helps us to see the world from others prospective, which itself a way of conflict resolution either at work or at home, it also increases our knowledge and sense of empathy.
Conflict gets rise when listening is absent in any disputed situation and leads partners to remain terminally tick off. We are even more likely to blast our partners the next time that hot topic resurfaces, when we come with both barrels at our partners, they will put up their dukes rather than prick up their ears in this situation our louder voices are less likely to be heard by our partners. Instead, they resort to Defending, Justifying and counter blaming and in no time, we have a major vicious cycle on our hands.
To break this cycle we need to listen to each other. To master listening skills we need to eliminate the three behaviors that are polar opposites of good listening. The one is being defensive, second is being justifying all the time and most important is counter blaming.
Why so many relationships resort to instead of listening.
The simple answer is, listening has been lacking for so long in distressed relationships that both partners feel starved to be heard, but not trust that the other will listen and they both end up in defending, justifying and counter blaming.
To be a master listener
Remove all distractions and give all of your physical and mental attention, and open yourself to whatever the person might have to say.
Be a listener as well as the speaker. It’s very important to realize that being a good listener is more than passing a hearing test, because good listeners are masters at conveying, in different ways that they have heard and understood what has been said.
Guilt is another common listening roadblock, especially for men as they socialized to protect and care for his wife and family. When a male is told that, he said or did something to upset them, all his bells and whistles go off as he feels he failed in his job as a man and husband, guilt starts working overtime. This causes him to switch into the phase of denial and projection. Because he is clueless on how to ease the pain unfortunately he is not been socialized to handle the emotional side of life. So, please, have patience with your guilt-riddled macho man by becoming emotionally intelligent.
Most of your conflicts melt like snow cones in summer as you master the art of listening with your heart.
“It is He who made for you the night to rest therein and the day, giving you sight. Indeed in that are signs for a people who listen.” Quran 10:67.
The article is courtesy of GMC Hospital e-Newsletter.
