My Opinion On The Tiresome Process Of Looking For Partners To Marry

Dear Singles,

Let me make it very clear here. I am not at all very experienced in these matters of love nor am I some kind of a ‘fixer’. If you are looking for girlfriends or boyfriends, then you are reading the wrong stuff. And If you are already married or you really got a very big love-problem, then I would humbly suggest that you stop reading this letter written by an amateur and go seek some real advice from professionals (i.e. from clergy men of your religion, ‘love counsellors’, or any such kinds of people). On God’s green Earth, how would a person who is ‘single’ like me possibly know about the clear details of love? All what I am trying to say is that this letter is packed with solely my sincere and personal observations, opinions and views on the, I think, mistakes we make and rocky roads we take in the process of finding our mates to marry.

It would not surprise me if some real experts on this matter trash this whole letter of mine on the basis that it lacks some degree of professionalism, ingenuity and trustworthiness. But then, this letter is not addressed to them at all—because I assume they are masters of love, they are neither sufferers nor singles in this game.

Thus, this letter is addressed to all singles seeking a marriage partner and/or to all those singles who say ‘I love single life’, because to me, those who say that normally mean they are either psychologically, biologically, socially, financially… incapable/not ready (somewhat excusable) or perhaps they just want to hide behind those words to justify their miserable life—so all what they mean is; Hey! look at me, can you imagine am still single?

Anyway, regardless of my lack of credentials, It does not hurt to be more optimistic that maybe there is a possibility that I might be right somehow, so I am gonna give it a try.

So, here we go.

I believe when somebody loves us it means she (he) is ready to happily shape her/his heart according to our heart’s shape. And that’s a blessing. So, maybe, if we find such a person, we may want to consider going ahead and giving it a shot. But wait a minute! Before you get mad with me, I would reeeally recommend that you go ahead and try your own heart’s choices first and if it works out for you, then Yahoo! Mission accomplished and thus, I guess, your dream just came true. But if it does (will/did) not work out, then well…I think your reading of this whole letter may prove entertaining.

Personally, I don’t believe that a life partner is necessarily the one you get attracted on the first sight. I believe that a real life partner who wants to be with you would not make you ‘crawl and beg’ for her/him to recognize you. A real life partner would not make you feel like you are on a queue waiting for a chance to jump in whenever you see an opportunity.

My little understanding of this ‘love-saga’, leads me to another secret. That we, many a times, screw up (ahem…pardon my language here) because we really don’t understand our own souls.

You see, my dear friends, when someone loves or craves for us it means they have accepted us in their souls. And truth be told, if we could just love them back the same way as they do, then wow! That would be one huge love-problem solved. But no. Most of the times, not only don’t we love them back but also we make them seem as if they are some kind of pesterers or annoyance in our lives. This is because we don’t have an iota of feeling towards them whether it be due to their appearance, manners or some other stuff (which can be explained subjectively).

So to be fair, to love those whom we don’t have even a single shred of feelings is almost practically impossible. And I think, people should not be forced to love back in this situation.

My real issue is not our-not-loving of those whom we don’t have any feelings, but my real issue is about a situation in which there are those who really love us and to those whom we have feelings even if it be little and yet we choose to disregard them in favour of those whom we are not even sure whether they notice us or not.

Of course, it’s not wise to just literally love back those who seem to show interest in us. We are supposed to examine their manners and consider some factors (i.e. cultural or religious e.tc.). And let’s not trick ourselves that appearance of a candidate and a certain amount of feeling towards a candidate are not among the factors. Appearance matters but that MUST NOT be the primary factor for choosing your future partner.

When it comes to how we feel towards a person that we want to marry, I think, we should have a certain amount of feelings to get us started. After all, we need some sort of basic feeling ‘foundation’ to build a strong structure of ‘feelings’. However, we seem to always make a huge mistake of only demanding or yearning for those to whom our hearts already happen to have great amounts of feelings. Does it not occur to us that maybe they don’t notice us the same way we don’t notice those whom we don’t have any feelings for? So in the name of ending this awkward chain, instead of painfully looking at the ‘glittering’ ones, is it not a time to open and check what is ‘inside the box’ that has been around you for quite some time now?

I mean come on! when we happen to meet those kinds of people, people who do show interest in us, people with good manners and people that we also ‘somehow’ appreciate their appearance (even though it turns out that they do not reach ‘our’ expectations of the physical appearance) and people whom we have even, for example, smallest amount of feelings…, Is it not, then, the time we can look towards their direction and try to kindle those small feelings in us?

The fact that they chose us, does it not mean that they may have seen what we don’t see in ourselves? So why don’t we give them a chance and let them show us what we really don’t know of our own souls?

Dear comrades, let’s not lie that we can’t tell when somebody shows real interest in us. Psychologically, we were designed to sense that. Sometimes, it can be friends who can sense for us.

When it comes to love-related sufferings, many a times, the fault lies within us; our fantasy-world attitude and high standards.

Dear love-related illness sufferers, I know I may have been speaking using an emotional tone. But is it really my problem? Can’t I, at least, blame love this time because the whole concept of love itself is made up and coated in emotional layers?

Life is not always that tough. So let it, in some ways, be as simple as it is supposed to be.

Sincerely concerned,

Fellow Observer