Significant steps to consider before choosing your life partner


Based on the experience of the past years, from Chitipa to Nsanje Muslim families are suffering from increasing number of homeless children, now it is time to close down the ever-mounting wave of divorces among Muslims. It is not unusual today to find Muslim women who by the time they are 30-35 years old, have been married three or four times and their children keeps suffering from the pain of fatherless and broken homes.

Question may arise here, why, every year, the number of Muslim couples registered for divorce keeps growing? Is there nothing that can be done to avoid this to ever be happened again in the future? Here appears importance of creative thinking and problem solving approach.

As a wise creation that been created by Allah and as we had been given the specialty from other creatures, ‘aql (brain) that we possessed, of course there is the solution to this problem. It can be done into three phases:
a- before marriage
b- during the marriage
c- And if it happened after the end of a marriage, how to fix it back.

The process of choosing a partner for a companion in this life should not be taken lightly by all Muslims. This is because it is concerns about the future of both sides and the future of the generation that comes after them. Here some essentials points that should be observed by all before take a decision to start a life with someone, in order to make it bless full and long lasting.

First, always ask help and guidance from Allah, Most High as only Him know what is the best for His slaves. Consult your heart and always listen to your inner voice. It is likely to be more correct that your mind which often plays tricks and can rationalize almost anything.
Next, find out the reason why this person wants to marry you?Is it for love or money? Then, try to get to know your partner but always remember that it should within the limits permissible in Islam, before deciding on marriage. Try to understand his/her nature, what makes him/her tick, his/her temperament etc.

Talk to several people who know him/her, not just one, but have someone that you can trust to listen. Find out about his family and try to understand each other expectations. The most important thing that should be taken into account is find out the degree of his understanding about Islam and whether it is compatible with your own.

So many marriages have broken because the partners are in such haste that they don’t take time such vital checks and rush into things. Ask yourself; “Do I want to marry this man/woman?” If you are not sure, think it again. Lastly, never allow yourself to be pressured into a marriage and should be never agreed to engage in a contract marriage because it is sinful, forget not early marriages have contributed negatively to over increasing number of homeless children in our Muslim community.


  1. Brother you have rely pointed out what both sides should think of when getting married. if we maintain this our marriages will last longer other than just saying lets get married today then after a month its over. these are best tips we should be telling each other.

  2. The facts being laid above are quite understood and very important to follow when indeed one is looking for a partner. But going into the last point, i think its not true hence you can coincedentally ask advise from someone whom was vying for the same girl/brother. What advise do you think this type of a person can give you. I think the best is asking Allah to give you the right person as He is the only judge for all the corrupt judges we have.

    The other problem we are having is poverty, hence most our muslim sisters are for CASH, CAR and at least CELL PHONE NOT for ISLAM. I wittnesed myself when i was proposing for a marriege from a certain sister, she is a well known to our muslim community. But you know how she responded to me " how much i have that lead me to propose her, you can see what i mentioned above its only Islam i have, however i dont have a car, enough cash and a quality cell phone. Our muslim sisters are being taken by christians after fully used and become second hand item thats when they are crying for a muslim brother to rescue her after she was fully used by a certain christian wh had capacity by then.

    Brothers are also much to brame as nowdays are looking for seductive girls, hence muslim sister are not exposing their body. They are leaving muslim sisters and going out with those putting mini-skirts after being absorbs what he had, he finally dumps him, then altenatively you go to a muslim sister after being absorbed.

    As we said lets ask Allah first to give us the right choice and i believe Allah's choice for you will be good than whatever you go for.

    May Allah give us Hidayaa- Ameen

    • Brother if that is the case then the situation is worrisome, how could a Muslim sister devoted to Islam look for money before love and religion! Choosing to marry to a non Muslim for the sake of money? Should we say Muslim brothers offer less than the outsiders! My appeal to those who rush for the money we should at least fear Allah when making our decisions, don't forget that when you choose to marry to a non Muslim you are harming your Muslim community in one way or the other, weigh the advantages and disadvantages before you take your last decision.

      To the fact that you may get some information about your partner to be from your friend, brother if you can go through the point once again I didn't just mentioned a friend but I specified a trusted one, the problem here might be that you trust him/her, in return he/she don't trust you, really this is not a kind of a friend am talking about, in this case then you don't have choice but totally rely in Allah and do more supplications.

      I also completely concur with you to the point that we brothers contribute to the negative attitudes of our sisters in Islam, we sometimes shun them and go around with non Muslims, with no doubt this behavior sends bad signals to our Muslim sisters who sometimes may allow herself to marry to a non Muslim just to take revenge on us, lets get satisfied with our own HALAL ladies for the sake of good and devoted Muslim generation to come, by doing so we must know that we are protecting our Deen from the attempts of shaitan. May Allah guide the Ummah,amen!

  3. The most important choice should be on a fellow devouted muslim who will be reminding you about deen now and then, inshaallah.

  4. when looking for a marriage partner,islam has already told us about the four things to look for.

    islam tells us that for a man,,he has to look for rieligion(islam),family background,her behaviour,and ofcourse beauty.but nowadays its amazing the order is no longer in are no longer lookin g for religion or what soo ever,but heat an d run methods.there is tooooo much kusakhuntisidwa in peaples mind today,zibwezi is tooooo man is havin g a wife with over five girl friends.ndipo zibwezi zisanuzo aliyense alinso ndi zibwenzi zingapo zingapo.zikutheka munthu kumapanga chibwenzi ndi chibwenzi cha bambo ako koma nonse osamadziwana.this is the new order now(inna lillah wa inna ilaihi rajuin).now this things zikumavuta to trust a man or a girl for for money has defeated the world order (Allah help us)

  5. Brother you're right, all what you've said is really happening in our communities, people have forgotten the reason behind this relation (marriage) It is pathetic to see so many youths when they want to marry they rush for very cheap and fragile charecteristics like the ones you've mentioned. i think its high time now we change our atittude, choosing a life partner should be something to do with total seriousness or else we're missing one of the good things in this life which is a good wife/husband, this (kulawalawa) kind of behavior will never bring us good but longlasting troubles in our communities. May the Almighty Allah give us guidance, ameen.

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